over you

i’m over it
i’m over you
i’m done figuring out the whys
i’m done thinking of you

because at the end of the day
it boils down to this:
i kept on going
and you simply quit

so i’m done with the wondering
i’m done with the regret
it’s time to move on along
but to never forget

that life can be beautiful
life can be kind
there’s so much to be discovered
just waiting for the right time

but only if you believe
life’s constant ebb and flow
that some days you win and some days you lose
and some days you just have to let go

thankful

i’m thankful for family and friends
the ones who still remain true
i’m thankful for my good health
even if i blow a workout or two

i’m thankful for the good days
even the bad ones when they come
i’m grateful for each day i get to wake up
and write the stories till they’re done

and as i sit at the table today
to enjoy good company and pie
i’ll be thinking of you visiting this blog-
thank you for stopping by

what did you see?

when you looked in the mirror that last day,
what did you see?
did you see only the little broken girl
that you used to be?
did you think she’d remain wounded forever
unable to get out of her head?
did you ever hope that one day she’d live the rest of her life
instead of ending up dead?

did you ever consider, just once, that things
could have turned out alright,
maybe you’d had found someone to love like you once did
or maybe it was yourself all this time?
i wish you’d have waited to find out all the answers
instead of me asking them tonight
i wish you’d have given this life one more chance…
i wish you’d have put up a fight.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

Mindlessly

I’ve moved past from all the days wishing
you were living this life with me.
Did you ever dream the same –
do you like what you see?
Life moves on as we
follow along
mindlessly –
then we’re
gone.

*Originally published 4/10/14

Nonet: A nonet is a type of poem which has nine lines, with the first line having 9 syllables, the second 8 syllables, the third 7 until the ninth line has only one. Some nonets may also have an iambic meter (stress on every other syllable).

a worthwhile sin (NYC 2000)

i met you one night and my whole life
changed, in a blink of an eye blind
i could not, just could not remain the same
impassive, disenchanted, disemboweled within
my soul in desperate need of
a worthwhile sin
awakening the ghost
of the woman i once was,
a specter of the soul that breathed
its final gasp, and for a brief
moment, i’m home
at last

club 101 (NYC 2000)

the trumpeter rules with his jazz melodies
and my heart weeps with each note
it’s raw and needy and plucks at each heart
string pulled so tight it could almost break
and sever
our ties
but the trumpeter still rules in the darkness
of Club 101 and we sit
and laugh and drink beers like fish
listening to the blues
coming from
lonely hearts.

i bet on black

i bet on black
and almost lost it all
never seeing how attached i was to the outcome
until i began to fall

into the abyss of your despair,
your plans, and your deceit
too late for me to climb out and save myself
instead, you made me complicit

to the plans you made
for your expiration date
so when the day finally came
all we could do was wait

but I couldn’t wait anymore
I had to bet on red
before the sun rose and set
before you’d do the things you said

i hope you’re happy now
you even got to say the last word
thank you for showing me, in the end,
who and what you really were.

how do you do it?

how do you keep on going
when the world is falling apart,
when your answer to the question
“red or blue?” determines if you’re worth it…
or not?

how do you turn away
from the raw pain in people’s eyes
denied their right to live, to love, to be-
all because others believe
in the lies?

how do you go about your day
knowing death is just a sound-byte away
a video feed blasted to the world-
a woman’s last minutes
on display?

how do you do it?
i want to know
how do you keep on going
when there’s no other place
for us to go?

halfway across the world

I wish I knew what to do,
how to help you in any way
But I’m helpless from where I sit
halfway across the world

I’m sorry for being callus, for saying
maybe you could do this or that
for that wasn’t what you needed to hear from me
halfway across the world

A thousand friends on Facebook, you say
and not one of them could lend a helping hand
I wish I could do more than just listen to you cry
halfway across the world.