Burn

it burns constantly
its embers aglow
searing through memories and concealing
the secrets you think nobody knows

but secrets have a way of revealing
the inner depths of your soul,
unnamed wants, silenced dreams
you think when fulfilled, can make you whole

and so it burns, this need
that threatens to consume you –
to unearth the real you long kept hidden away,
delaying the demons seeking their due

Burn — The Daily Post

Share Your World 2016 – Week 26

share-your-world2Hard to believe but I actually do these things and forget to post them. When I remember, it’s a week too late – even more – and so the posts just sit in draft mode. But I’m hoping to do it this week, which will probably be the first for 2016.

Yes, it has been so long because I took almost six months off wandering the halls of Facebook trying to be a romance author marketing her books (it was horrible, thank you for asking – I have to come to realize that I am primarily a blogger).

So, where was I? Oh, right, Share Your World, Week 26.

What’s your most memorable (good or bad) airplane flight?

It’s probably a tie between sitting in First Class on a flight to New York next to a retired violinist who worked with Isaac Stern, and years later, on another flight to New York, sitting in Coach next to a neurologist (“I’m a neurologist, not a urologist”) and talking about recent studies he was doing on the correlation of migraines and temporomandibular joint syndrome (TMJ syndrome) among people who used to wear orthodontic braces when they were younger, and he was open to exploring the benefits of massage therapy on said migraines and TMJ syndrome.   Both of them made me wish the flight went longer than they did.

How many bones, if any, have you broken?

Knock on wood, none.

If you had your own talk show, who would your first three guests be? (guest can be dead, alive, famous or someone you just know)

Neil Gaiman, the late Frank McCourt, and the very late Charlotte Brontë

Make a Currently List:

Reading: A cozy mystery ARC (advance reader copy) of Drop Dead Handsome by M.C. Scott.

Watching: Game of Thrones Season 6 finale

Listening: My 6-year old telling me a story he wrote

Eating: A cheese quesadilla

Needing: A publicist

Wanting: Chocolate

Missing: Someone who’s currently on vacation

Loving Ashe is Getting Some Love – 10K Reads!

So my #NaNoWriMo and #JustWriteIt effort, Loving Ashe, which is currently being serialized on Wattpad, is getting some love from Wattpad readers.  It just hit 10K reads today and I’m pretty happy!

Screen Shot 2014-11-28 at 4.14.15 PM

I don’t know what’s going to happen next.  At 54K words, I’m trying to get the story to wind down and get to the The End part by 11/30.

Because technically, that’s finishing a novel, right?  It’s just not reaching a word count?

Where One of My Stories Finally Gets the Spotlight!

Well, just Featured, really, on Wattpad.

Sorry, but just wanted to blow my own horn for a bit.  So I hope you don’t mind…

Starting today, Sept 16, Broken, my Lucas North/MI-5 story, is now a Featured Story on Wattpad. If you’ve been living under a rock and know nothing about Wattpad, it’s

“a place to discover and share stories: a social platform that connects people through words. It is a community that spans borders, interests, languages. With Wattpad, anyone can read or write on any device: phone, tablet, or computer.

Wattpad

Boasting 25 million members and growing, who read and post (and probably write) stories on mobile 85% of the time, it’s a force to be reckoned in this new digital age.  Hey, R.L. Stine of the Goosebumps series  is on there! 

When I first starting writing again, I used to post it on my Blogger blog (since deleted), and then moved it to a WordPress blog.  Then I discovered Wattpad.  I could catalog my own stories and at the same time read other stories on there.

One writer that I discovered there is Rowena Wiseman, who writes this wonderful book called Searching for Von Honningbergs that you can get from Screwpulp for $1 (yes!  A $1! and it’s really good!  Even her title is sooo cool).

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 8.52.45 PMOn Wattpad, I can gauge how people were responding to my stories, whether by their likes or votes (whatever the yellow star is called on the upper right hand of your Wattpad screen, or the bottom of your mobile screen), or their comments (which I’m sorry to say I never paid attention to the notifications when I started in 2012 because I never thought people were actually reading my stories to begin with), or when they added your story to their libraries.  Some readers are pretty vocal and very encouraging and many others I would like to think are just quiet and don’t comment or click like.  But every time a new reader clicks on a chapter, the Read ticker does a +1, so you can gauge just how many people are reading  your story.

286282030a435d999c54c393d1b582b8_zps5e08a1d5Broken – Lucas North/MI-5 Story is my AU version of Lucas North for Season 7 and beyond.  It started out as a short story (Chapters 1 & 2) and from there, I spent a few sleepless nights till I finally got up and said, Crap, let me just get it all out then…darn muses!

So I’ve been wordy enough as it is.  If you’d like to read some pretty cool fanfic with a lot of twists and turns and rollercoaster highs and lows (we are talking about Lucas North here after all), give BROKEN a try!  If you’ve already read it, thanks so very much!

And oh, yes, check out Wattpad, if you’ve got the time.  There are some amazing gems on there!

Finding Sam: 168K Reads So Far…

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my inspiration for the novel I was writing, and the song that also begun my journey to write this story, even though I was in the midst of writing something else.  Anyway, ever since I posted my novel on Wattpad around the end of June, it’s gotten about 168K reads (it’s slowed down since I kinda ended the novel), but it’s been an interesting ride so far.

When the story finally first got noticed in July, it was interesting to see the “reads” spike to a thousand a day.  Readers read chapter after chapter in a span of one or two days.  Some read 45 chapters in a day, and wrote about how much they loved it.   I’d like to think I’ve got something good.  I’d like to think I’ve got something worth reading.

So if I haven’t been writing much poetry or doing the Daily Prompts lately, that’s why. I’ve been busy writing.  And writing some more.  Actually I’m editing it, hoping I can get the book published in a few months.  Right now, I’m searching for the perfect cover – hence the temporary cover with actress Caroline Dhavernas, who I think is just absolutely beautiful.

So after hiding this story from my very own blog (shame on me, right?), here she is.  Finding Sam.

15724682-256-k399364

Daily Prompt: It’s All About Me, Baby

I’m seriously lagging with all these daily prompts.  Or maybe it’s because I was just dragging myself these past few days because of the impending doom that was called Valentine’s Day…

Anyway, so I’m getting all caught up now (as much as I humanly can) but still choosing only the prompts that I don’t draw a blank at when I’m sitting in front of the computer going, what the crap do I say to that prompt?

Which takes me to this post’s Daily Prompt because I DO have something to say (yey me):

Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you.

I was raised to be always courteous and respectful to my elders, or any elder for that matter, even when they didn’t have your best interests at heart, or when all they wanted was to screw the hell out of your ten-year old brain.  It just came with the culture (I know, I know…it came with MY culture, like messed-up extended family culture).

You didn’t look at people in the eye and you did not answer back (not that I did not look people in the eye especially when they pissed the crap out of me, and did not answer back – but that is neither here nor there).

So when I finally got out of that cultural hell hole and ran away to America, I thought, great, I’m finally free of ya’ll crazy-ass people.

But I wasn’t.  They were all living inside my very being like renters who did not pay a penny of rent, but still told you what to do, how to do it, and to always always listen to everyone else but yourself because you didn’t know any better.  And that you were no good.

It took me years of discovering that I had to boot all them out of my very being through psychoanalysis, some booze and some smoking some good cigars and cigarettes (still can’t do smoke rings but really, if you don’t smoke, don’t start), some new age mumbo-jumbo, kundalini yoga, past life regressions (mostly unsolicited but that’s just the crowd I run with), writing and even learning the whole art of therapeutic massage just to get past the deeply-ingrained belief that the only kind of touch had to do with sex, and only sex (learning massage is hard-core though – I’m now over 1,000 frigging hours of this craft – massage, I mean, not the sex, although that’s not such a terrible idea – and teaching it as well – again, referring to massage, not sex).

I’m still not at the finish line, or remotely close to it, but I’m working on it.  I still find some of these tenants holding on and have to work at kicking them the hell out, and each time, it’s a challenge, and continues to be.

But going back to the prompt (yes, I do get side-tracked like that) – years ago, I discovered Celtic mythology and I really gravitated towards one particular diety or goddess called The Morrígan.  According to wikipedia:

The Morrígan is a goddess of battle, strife, and sovereignty. She sometimes appears in the form of a crow, flying above the warriors, and in the Ulster cycle she also takes the form of an eel, a wolf and a cow. She is generally considered a war deity comparable with the Germanic Valkyries, although her association with a cow may also suggest a role connected with wealth and the land.

During one of the most challenging times of my life, I called upon the inner morrigan and made her my own.  She became my alter ego (at least online, or in real life, when called upon and you really really pissed me off and before I go ballistic on you and all) and my pillar of support.  Mostly, I think, it was out of a rage that really just needed to come out and be heard.  It meant me no longer being afraid of what people thought of me, to finally come out on my own and simply be me.  I was not going to be a martyr for anyone.  Not anymore.

I see my mother and see the renters who’ve never paid rent for the last seventy years of her life and I’ve seen how crippled it’s made her.

But not me.

As for the second part of my blog name, it has to do with my current muse and all the muses who came before.  I stopped writing for almost ten years – from 2003 – 2012 – and when I finally snapped myself out of my misery, I realized that it was time for the muse to come out, whoever he or she may be, and do what I’d always wanted to do for as long as I can remember.

This blog is like a coming-out party of sorts.  It seems to be all about writing, but maybe in time, it will slowly evolve to reveal more of who I am than who I would like you all to see me as (because you know, it takes forever to get every bit of those non-paying tenants out of my being).

And whether you like it or not, it is just what it is.

This time, it’s all about me.

Morrigan
Image from the Morrigan Program

Valentine’s Day Redux

Can I just preface this post before you begin that I finally do cuss – a lot.  So be forewarned.  Although it’s very tame compared to what might have been…

Girls-at-Valentines-day-with-fun

Valentine’s Day always does something to me.  Maybe it’s from those years spent trapped in an all-girls’ Catholic high school and watching every girl get roses delivered to them (we were all 15 years old for crying out loud – who are these boyfriends who could afford these humongous bouquets of roses??) that one year I finally told my dad to send me one anonymously ASAP – and he did.

Not that it made me feel better, since I knew who they came from.  And knowing that your daddy just sent you a beautiful humongous bouquet of roses because he took pity on you isn’t exactly romantic.  Right?

But I digress.

It’s now years and years later and this day still gets to me.

Not because I still don’t get roses (because when I do, I’m like, so you wanna get laid or what?  what are you trying to say????), I’m so used to that – my SO’s idea of a romantic gesture is take-out from California Pizza Kitchen even after I show him all the same humongous bouquets of roses the same high school friends now on Facebook paste all over my time line with captions that read “After 20 YEARS I finally get a bouquet of roses from hubby!”

I’m sorry, but captions like that should be kept under wraps, and that hubby needs to get flogged.  Twenty fucking years? You had to wait twenty fucking years to get a humongous bouquet of roses???  Hell, if it did happen to me, I’m not saying anything on Facebook at all!

Besides, I buy myself these humongous bouquets of roses already.  Who needs the hubby to do that?  I so wanted to do that on her timeline but why burst that bubble?

See what Valentine’s Day does to me?

Anyway, after an amorous evening (totally not!) spent skulking over the CPK take out, the little guy running off with MY Thai Chicken pizza, and the tiff over the unfolded bits of laundry lying about the house (I am trying to finish a darn book after all), I decided to see how romantic I do get as a writer with passages of my own – all penned on non-Valentine’s Days because it is my belief that this day is totally not all it’s cut out to be.  It also made me realize that if I were to have a romantic evening with lots of hot sex like I write about in my stories, there is NO way I’m eating more than one slice of that Thai Chicken pizza.  And the tiramisu?  Fuggedaboutit.  Any one with me on this?

I always wait till it’s over before I raid the fridge and eat what I was supposed to eat hours before.  That’s my secret.  It’s my M.O.  Don’t tell anyone.

That and my blood sugar has gone down so dangerously low from all that in-bed-out-of-bed-hot-sex that now I’ve got a headache to boot as well, thank you very much.

This led me to wonder about how the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter, I can bat for both teams if I need to) feels about this.  Does doing it on a full stomach feel much better than not a full stomach?  I have a feeling that the answer might be – it doesn’t matter either way, baby, but I could be wrong.

You see, women like me have to keep that tummy as flat as possible in trying to emulate every damn sex scene we see in our heads all manufactured from Hollywood.  Not that I’ve long lost that belly I somehow acquired after having the little guy via C-Section and trying to get it flatter with DDP yoga (I did buy into Arthur’s awesome transformation and got the whole package to be just like him – in like ten years), but pizza and tiramisu don’t help it look any flatter either.

But if all else fails, just turn off that damn light even though he might like to “see”.  Um, not if you want to tap this, you’re not.  But if you pay for the lipo, tummy tuck, nose job, skin peel, and over-all overhaul, be my guest.  And while we’re at it, why not my teeth, too.

I’ve digressed yet again, I see.

Anyway, so I went to look at some of my ‘romantic’ stories posted on Wattpad, the only ones I do post since they’re fanfic and my original stories are still in my hard drive with scenes totally NSFW, if you know what I mean.  These posted stories are the erotica ones that I’ve been working on to challenge myself that I can write better than that gal who does Whatever-Number-Shades-of-Gray (having a too-beautiful man as a muse doesn’t hurt either – you know who you are!) and after a few minutes of reading this line and that line, I ended up editing the whole bit and spent the next four hours making a fanvid for one of them just because it was Valentine’s day and I had nothing really better to do.

So anyway, I ended up hopping right back into the fangirl rabbit hole and I’m just barely climbing my way out two days later.  So in honor of this over-rated, there’s-just-too-much-pressure-for-me-to-be-romantic-and-didn’t-you-know-I-hate-doing-house-work-that-one-day-I-will-pay-for-a-damn-maid day, I made this fanvid for my story, Return to Sparkhouse.

And oh, just to make it a bit harder for English-only speaking folks, the song playing is Creo En Ti, Spanish for I Believe In You (and that’s going to be the only romantic thing about this post today) – even though I don’t speak Spanish at all but for the perfect Mr. Right-Now with the accent to die for, I just might start doing so.

Glossary:

SO – Significant Other

ASAP – As Soon As Possible or ASAFP with F representing you-know-what

NSFW – Not Safe For Work

MO – Modus Operandi

CPK – California Pizza Kitchen – I just love their Thai Chicken pizza!

And if you’re still reading this far down, here’s to those who had a wonderful Valentine’s day.  Since this post has much to do with sex, or lack of it, here’s one for those who did get some: