lately i’ve found myself making lists.
one for today, another for tomorrow, and yet another for someday when things get better but even that’s just a lie as everything around me collapses.
too many deaths, too many regrets
too many fights, too much bitterness all i can do is right the ship and hold on no room for weakness
but this heart is too soft, too kind
hopeful that things will get better and that people will return to kindness and maybe a little bit of understanding even as reality tells me it’s just a dream.
for there’ve been too many lies,
too much manipulation, so many threats to take in that all i can do is hope that my heart holds on and find strength within.
some people come into your life
needing no rhyme nor reason in their presence, you feel your heart smile, you hear your soul sing the weight you’ve been carrying lightens, and the tears no longer sting
suddenly you find yourself smiling
more than you ever thought possible you find yourself feeling safe some days, you even feel unstoppable all because you opened your heart when i was at my most vulnerable
so thank you, dearest friend,
for being there for me even now after all this time, when everyone else has gone their merry way, thank you for being there for me when I needed a good reminder I’m never alone.
In His Study six years ago in response to a writing prompt about a person’s character based on items in his desk drawer. While it didn’t really follow the prompt to the letter, I loved writing it and watching each character unfold on the page.
In His Study features one of my all-time favorite couples Luna and Devlin whose story I will go back to this year.
Until then, here’s a peek into their new life in London. I hope you like it!
is there a secret to falling in love
or is being in lust with you so much easier on the heart that i should refrain from letting my mind tell me to stop and just go for the ride and fall and drown, and like a magic trick, appear unbruised, like new?
hush, they’re watching, reading
between the lines of the words i write, wondering if they’re for you and of that, they’d be right.
shh, don’t speak, at least
not yet. not until i collect my thoughts and find the words to say to you… words meant to connect
two souls so far apart yet so near
only we didn’t know it. two hearts beating their lonely rhythms, not knowing what comes next for there is no rhyme or reason
why we love the ones we love and why
we fall for the ones we fall for. but to hear your voice whispering in my ear, let me just say with you, i’ll give you everything you want and more.
is my current playlist its rhythm in tune with my own leaving me in want of nothing more but your trust and your secrets, a reminder of just how far we’ve come.
we all have them and you’re mine you’re the one i’ll be thinking of when no one is looking time after time
it took forever
for us to figure things out but with you here with me your touch, your voice erases every doubt
so i’ll keep you
hidden away in my deepest secret place as you keep me safe in your strong and warm embrace
it’s the waiting that derails me every time
it takes over everything else i do making me wonder if i said something i shouldn’t have did i speak out of turn instead of waiting for you?
and so i sit here patiently
knowing there’s a lesson waiting for me somewhere the same one that keeps coming back until i learn it and the whole time you were always there.
can you do me a favor right now?
it won’t take long, I promise
stand in front of a mirror and tell me
what you see and be honest
maybe you’re seeing the wrinkles on your brow
or those laugh lines you hate so much
maybe you’re noticing gray roots along your hairline
or that your skin’s no longer smooth to the touch
maybe you’re seeing extra curves that shouldn’t be there
or your skin’s starting to sag it’s pitiful
maybe you’re thinking you’ve changed so much
and that you used to be so young and beautiful
but can you pause for a while with your thoughts
and look at your reflection with a softer gaze
allow a touch of kindness to sink in
let wisdom settle through the haze
for you are beautiful inside and out
with a lifetime of experience to draw from
you are amazing, you are worthy
you are as strong in spirit as they come
there’s so much more i want to say
maybe when you’re ready you can choose the words
like daring, feisty, and courageous
a woman living on her own terms
sure, you’ve stumbled and fallen
and then there’s the betrayal and heartache
but you are much stronger than he will ever know
and you’ll learn from every mistake
so when you look at that woman in the mirror again
i hope you take a step closer and say hello
for she is tough and downright amazing
and she’s the most beautiful woman I know.
i learned a lot this year
most of all, about myself like the fact that i still make so many mistakes and that i need to take better care of my mental health
that i still need to hear a good word or two
just a little bit now and then it’s not selfish at all, i’ve come to realize for one can’t keep taking the hits again and again
without some reprieve,
just a a little place of safety one i found when i stumbled into you and you said in not so general terms that i was worthy
little bits here and there
words of comfort and positivity they helped put this broken heart together again thank you for all the words that rebuilt me
showing me there’s a warrior deep inside
even if all i am some days is full-on empathy it took some time but it was one thing i needed to learn this year that i’m stronger than most assume me to be
so thank you for staying, my friend,
even when all you wanted was to go but you’ve made my world better by staying just a tad longer thank you for giving me time to let go