i learned a lot this year
most of all, about myself
like the fact that i still make so many mistakes
and that i need to take better care of my mental health

that i still need to hear a good word or two
just a little bit now and then
it’s not selfish at all, i’ve come to realize
for one can’t keep taking the hits again and again

without some reprieve,
just a a little place of safety
one i found when i stumbled into you
and you said in not so general terms that i was worthy

little bits here and there
words of comfort and positivity
they helped put this broken heart together again
thank you for all the words that rebuilt me

showing me there’s a warrior deep inside
even if all i am some days is full-on empathy
it took some time but it was one thing i needed to learn this year
that i’m stronger than most assume me to be

so thank you for staying, my friend,
even when all you wanted was to go
but you’ve made my world better by staying just a tad longer
thank you for giving me time to let go

what did you see?

when you looked in the mirror that last day,
what did you see?
did you see only the little broken girl
that you used to be?
did you think she’d remain wounded forever
unable to get out of her head?
did you ever hope that one day she’d live the rest of her life
instead of ending up dead?

did you ever consider, just once, that things
could have turned out alright,
maybe you’d had found someone to love like you once did
or maybe it was yourself all this time?
i wish you’d have waited to find out all the answers
instead of me asking them tonight
i wish you’d have given this life one more chance…
i wish you’d have put up a fight.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

i bet on black

i bet on black
and almost lost it all
never seeing how attached i was to the outcome
until i began to fall

into the abyss of your despair,
your plans, and your deceit
too late for me to climb out and save myself
instead, you made me complicit

to the plans you made
for your expiration date
so when the day finally came
all we could do was wait

but I couldn’t wait anymore
I had to bet on red
before the sun rose and set
before you’d do the things you said

i hope you’re happy now
you even got to say the last word
thank you for showing me, in the end,
who and what you really were.