games we played

i searched for you in my heart today
but i couldn’t find you anywhere
wasn’t that what you promised me
that i’d always find you there?

was it all a lie then
those promises that you made
spoken to ease my fears and loneliness
all this time, was it all a game?

did you lose control? is that what happened
when things got too much?
was that when you decided to leave –
when the tide became too rough?

did you have enough of the games we played
the ones that left us both drowning
in the lies that we told each other,
all the while constantly seeking

for more than we could ever give
more than what we had deep inside
is that why i can’t find you in my heart anymore?
the day you left, was that when our love finally died?


stars

i woke up today not missing you
as much as i did yesterday
you could say it’s an improvement
i no longer feel as frayed
as i did when you left
those first four weeks were simply hell
not knowing what to do with my emotions
even with your well thought-out farewells

but you were right to say what you did
that time will heal the pain i’d feel
time always does, it seems
which only makes everything surreal
the pain that seemed so true
emotions that overtook all reason
as if reminding me i still existed
my heart guilty of treason

one day i’ll forget all about you
like i’ve forgotten everyone who came before
their names hidden inside every poem
as my heart sang and my soul soared
powerful at every start
overruling everything i believed to be right
until every lie broke my heart
its pieces cast out like stars in the night

out of my depth

i’m tired of always being the strong one
some days i just need to let my shields down
just for a time so i can exhale again
maybe then i can remember when
you used to keep me safe from harm
until that night you left before the dawn
after telling me you’d be there when i’d wake
only you weren’t and so here i wait
being the strong one all by myself
out of control, out of my depth
losing count of the days since you left
with my heart in your hand, my soul is bereft

all i have left is the memory of you
your voice, your words pulling me through
every line perfectly crafted, well thought out
filled with love and kindness, without a doubt
reminding me to be strong, because there’s no other way
to make it through each challenging day
and face the world with my head held high
wondering no more the reasons why
you had to leave the way you did
until the day you return to me, your dreams fulfilled
your hand on my heart again, feeling each heartbeat
let me close my eyes now, time to go back to sleep

blue

it’s been eleven days since you left
and i think i’m doing okay
the words have finally started to flow
they come more and more each day

but sometimes i see something
that inevitably reminds me of you
followed by that familiar tug inside my chest
before i tell myself not to feel so blue

for you are where you need to be right now
unencumbered and free
you’ve moved on and one day, I will, too,
even if sometimes it’s not that easy

Heart

Live your life according to you
Live your dreams the way you always want to
Follow the path no one has yet created
Carve out your niche for the successful never waited

Expect pain to lie in wait
in the path ahead of you
Persevere and don’t give up
This I know to be true

For success comes to those
who always keep trying
Get up and stand up,
wipe away the tears you’ve been crying

Live up your dreams
and never let them go
Hold fast to that vision
that only you will ever know

For tomorrow will certainly come
waiting for someone like you
Keep that dream alive
Let your heart always remain true.

 

A few days ago, I found a box filled with poetry I wrote in the early 90’s.  It’s interesting to see how I don’t write poetry like this anymore, and so I’m putting them up as I find them (and trying my best not to edit them to death) and as a reminder to myself of how I used to see the world once upon a time.