you let me find
your quiet place,
and asked me
to sit with you
and in the ensuing
silence we said words
we’d never shared
with anyone before –
words of comfort,
love and so much more
words meant only
for our lonely souls to hear
as you lay your hand
over my heart and said,
no matter where i go,
wherever i may be,
just close your eyes
and find me right here.
no one knows how deep our scars run
and sometimes not even we do
until someone comes and traces the marks
and to our horror, the wounds open up again
too soon
far sooner than we were prepared to staunch the flow
of not just blood, but memories and shame
the very ones that kept us scarred and broken,
long after we’ve forgotten
their names
but for your words and the sound of your voice,
this time something was different
for together with the stigma and the blame
that may have accompanied them, there, too,
was redemption
an acceptance that none of it was my fault
or my own doing, nothing i deserved or asked for.
and i can finally move on because you saw something
i long forgot, that i am worthy and i am worth
fighting for.
you checked in on me when you didn’t have to
you were honestly the last person i thought would call
but you did and for that i am grateful
for your words mean more to me than all the likes
on my social media wall.
for you took the time to make sure i was okay
even if it was already late in your day
after you had to put out fires at work and at home
you took the time to remind me
i’m not alone
that even in this crazy world
we find ourselves in right now
where there’s too much hatred and color wars
i can still count on you to be there for me
no matter where you are, no matter how far.
there’s nothing sexier
than the honesty you bring
to the table as to what you can give me
and what you cannot, or where
the boundaries between us lie
so nothing we do is an afterthought.
for what we have is the raw deal.
although complicated,
what we have is real.
if we’re being honest, what we have won’t go very far
we’re just two people on separate journeys
seeking to fill the loneliness in our hearts
so we play, we laugh, we giggle
we tell each other one secret after another,
hoping little by little that the emptiness we feel
diminishes with each passing day
until the time comes when we run out of things to say
but goodbye and good luck. thank you
for picking up my broken pieces along the way.
moving on, moving on,
tell yourself one last time,
you need to move on.
be authentic. set your true self free
for there are so many people out there in need
of the gifts you bring
let go of the past. release your mistakes,
the ones that keep you locked in that dark place,
let go of the self-hate
love the woman you used to be
just as you’ll learn to love the woman you are now
for no one gets through this life unscathed somehow
so move on from the sadness. let go of your fears
and claim all the good that is waiting for you.
this is your year.
it’s the waiting that derails me every time
it takes over everything else i do
making me wonder if i said something i shouldn’t have
did i speak out of turn instead of waiting for you?
and so i sit here patiently
knowing there’s a lesson waiting for me somewhere
the same one that keeps coming back until i learn it
and the whole time you were always there.
do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your
cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that
got lost on your tongue?
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you
talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than
3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty,
your wisdom, y our heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”
~Tyler Ford
it’s christmas eve and i hope you find yourself
surrounded with love, friends near and far, and good cheer
for although this year might not be like any other
we’ve experienced before, my hope is that love never changes,
that friendships continue to exist and strengthen
even through a layer of digital screens and beautifying filters,
and even with all the data bouncing between us,
there is still that thread of all things true –
friendship, lovingkindness, and trust
and know always that i am thankful for you
if i could give you all the love in the world,
i would write it all down in a book
in all the languages that i could think of
no matter how long it took
so i caught all the words I needed one day
telling them they were meant for someone precious to me
a good friend with the biggest heart
who reminded me i was loved and that i was worthy
of everything good the world had to offer
just like he deserved only the very best, too,
i wanted him to know all this and more
so i begged Love to be still before my plan would fall through
but all the words had other plans
as they struggled to lift off the page
ruffling the pages of the book in front of me
for they did not wish to be caught nor caged
we do best when we’re set free, they said
and that’s exactly what you’re going to do
so you can give him all the love you could ever want
matching every bit of love he gave to you
for some things in life are simpler than they seem
like a heartfelt wish sent with the purest intentions
so if you wish to let him know how you truly feel
just say the words, no need to make an impression
and after some thought, that’s exactly what i did
as i flipped through all the pages and let the words go
for you already know how much you mean to me,
i just wanted the rest of the world to know.
Morrighan's Muse 