quiet spaces

dark places, quiet spaces
you know them all
for you were there when i fell
when i ignored the call
my heart’s warning to stand back
and keep my doors closed
you were simply too real for me
your words, your voice left me exposed
to the many lies i kept hidden
the stories i kept believing in
yet you knew one day i’d unfold
every secret i held onto finally revealed
no stone unturned, nothing concealed
dark places, my quiet spaces
thank you for staying
till i healed

Too Much by Tyler Ford

do you remember the first time you were called annoying? 
how your breath stopped short in your chest 
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue?
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.

you're 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for "too long," 
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven't jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.

there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, y our heart; 
mostly because they can't handle their own. but you will never be and have never been
"too much."
from Poetry July/August 2015

do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your
cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that
got lost on your tongue?
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.

you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you
talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than
3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.

there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty,
your wisdom, y our heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

~Tyler Ford

rebuilt

i learned a lot this year
most of all, about myself
like the fact that i still make so many mistakes
and that i need to take better care of my mental health

that i still need to hear a good word or two
just a little bit now and then
it’s not selfish at all, i’ve come to realize
for one can’t keep taking the hits again and again

without some reprieve,
just a a little place of safety
one i found when i stumbled into you
and you said in not so general terms that i was worthy

little bits here and there
words of comfort and positivity
they helped put this broken heart together again
thank you for all the words that rebuilt me

showing me there’s a warrior deep inside
even if all i am some days is full-on empathy
it took some time but it was one thing i needed to learn this year
that i’m stronger than most assume me to be

so thank you for staying, my friend,
even when all you wanted was to go
but you’ve made my world better by staying just a tad longer
thank you for giving me time to let go



a simple wish

it’s christmas eve and i hope you find yourself
surrounded with love, friends near and far, and good cheer

for although this year might not be like any other
we’ve experienced before, my hope is that love never changes,

that friendships continue to exist and strengthen
even through a layer of digital screens and beautifying filters,

and even with all the data bouncing between us,
there is still that thread of all things true –

friendship, lovingkindness, and trust
and know always that i am thankful for you

Listen

if i could

if i could give you all the love in the world,
i would write it all down in a book
in all the languages that i could think of
no matter how long it took

so i caught all the words I needed one day
telling them they were meant for someone precious to me
a good friend with the biggest heart
who reminded me i was loved and that i was worthy

of everything good the world had to offer
just like he deserved only the very best, too,
i wanted him to know all this and more
so i begged Love to be still before my plan would fall through

but all the words had other plans
as they struggled to lift off the page
ruffling the pages of the book in front of me
for they did not wish to be caught nor caged

we do best when we’re set free, they said
and that’s exactly what you’re going to do
so you can give him all the love you could ever want
matching every bit of love he gave to you

for some things in life are simpler than they seem
like a heartfelt wish sent with the purest intentions
so if you wish to let him know how you truly feel
just say the words
, no need to make an impression

and after some thought, that’s exactly what i did
as i flipped through all the pages and let the words go
for you already know how much you mean to me,
i just wanted the rest of the world to know.

one step at a time

what do you dream of
when you close your eyes?
do you see a future filled with possibilities
or do you see a past littered with lies—

the ones you told yourself
when you thought no one was looking
the ones that shaped the way you saw the world
making you believe you didn’t deserve anything?

where did things change for you?
when did they fall apart?
was it when they said you couldn’t do anything right
or was it when he broke your heart?

was it the day they promised you the world
but never came back?
will you believe me if i tell you
that you can get yourself back on track

to a place where possibilities are endless
where hope and joy spring from deep within
one step at a time, one win at a time,
all we have to do is believe… and begin.


you’re okay

some days, it can be tough
when we realize we’ll never be enough
for the world that’s waiting out there
demanding that we be perfect and live a life with flair
gain more followers! build up your likes!
do something original
, they say, and watch your numbers spike!

but as uncertainty creeps in and you wonder what you’re doing wrong
it’s easy to forget that once you turn everything off, you’re still as strong
as you were in the morning before you took it all in—anxiety and self-doubt—
time to kick those naysayers out
for you’re okay just the way you are with your easy smile and gentle heart
so come sit with me a while, it’s time for a fresh start 🙂


you

thank you
that’s all i can say
thank you for showing me
the good in every day
the happy smiles,
the laughter,
each naughty thought,
every honest answer
everything about you
i’m so grateful for
and if others can’t see it
let them go
just don’t forget the strength
inside your heart
for your whole is so much better
than just the parts
that others want you to be
unable to see what i’ve always seen
a soul so fearless and loving
it’s what you’ve always been.

rewritten

you changed the language
of my heart and the alphabet
of my soul, little things
that aren’t so little
but i just thought
you should know before
you leave to find your own way
i can never repay you enough
but because of you
i’m happy for the little things
again, even the most trivial
of stuff like the memory
of your love and your hand
over this broken heart, the sound
of your voice that echoes still
reminding me i’m beautiful,
worthy and smart, constantly
rewriting what was once written
there, turning apathy and self-loathing
into passion and self-care. and
all this because once upon
a time, you dared.

stars

i woke up today not missing you
as much as i did yesterday
you could say it’s an improvement
i no longer feel as frayed
as i did when you left
those first four weeks were simply hell
not knowing what to do with my emotions
even with your well thought-out farewells

but you were right to say what you did
that time will heal the pain i’d feel
time always does, it seems
which only makes everything surreal
the pain that seemed so true
emotions that overtook all reason
as if reminding me i still existed
my heart guilty of treason

one day i’ll forget all about you
like i’ve forgotten everyone who came before
their names hidden inside every poem
as my heart sang and my soul soared
powerful at every start
overruling everything i believed to be right
until every promise broke my heart
its pieces cast out like stars in the night