Pam

five years ago today
you passed away
but I still can’t believe
you’re gone
i never got to say good-bye
nor understand why
though memories of you
live on

but i finally did get to pen
those stories in the end
the ones I kept telling you
all about
the ones you never forgot,
of loves and lives overwrought
for never once did
you ever doubt

that i’d finally let the ghosts loose
step away from that noose
that kept me silent
for so long
you knew it all in the end
my dearest, loveliest friend
just where I truly
belonged.

NaNoWriMo Blues

It’s the 23rd day of NaNoWriMo, and though my word counter says I’ve written 67K words, I’m really only at 45,635 words (because I am editing as I go – don’t tell anyone).  In the midst of it all, the house is untidy, my gray roots are showing, and I’ve slackened off on my running – and walking.  Yes, my butt has gotten quite big in a span of 23 days.

But in those 23 days, I published my novel Finding Sam.  Indie-publish should be the word to use though, since I didn’t get published by some big-name publisher and they’re not yet beating a path to my door.  Hell, not even a small publisher, not that I even know what publishers are not actually vanity publishers right off the bat.

But I’m quite pleased with myself that I got my book on Kindle and Smashwords’ Premium library, which means I get to see it featured in the search results on the Apple bookstore and other stores that Smashwords sends their novels to be featured.  I thought it would be nerve-wracking and confusing. it’s not like I kept a checklist on paper – for this one was all in my head, and on my browser bookmarks folder.  Now all I have to do is tackle the marketing, but that will be after NaNoWriMo.

So all in all, in those 23 days, I don’t think I’ve done too bad.  I’ve managed to stay out of trouble – online, at least, and have kept on writing, and pants-ing pseudo plotting my way to the end of my second novel, Loving Ashe.  All I need to do now is input the number on the NaNoWriMo website and call myself a winner.

But not till this second book is done and dusted.   I’ve got 7 days left.

It’s a Good Day To Be A Writer

Today, my first son turns 23.  It’s also the day I chose to publish my first novel, Finding Sam on Amazon.

Now , while I just “published” an in-progress novel for NaNoWriMo a few days ago, there’s nothing like actually publishing a completed novel because I know it’s as “done” as it can be.  Even my husband told me a few weeks ago that if I kept worrying about perfection like I do over my work, nothing I write will ever see the light of day.

So last night, bleary-eyed and cross-eyed, I hit the button marked Publish and unleashed my dearest Sam into the world.  And while there may not be any balloons, cake and confetti to mark such a momentous occasion, I did receive my iPhone 6 Plus today and just activated it.

And I also heard from the Margaret Atwood people about the Wattpad contest I entered a month ago where I wrote a bit of fan fiction for her new novel, The Stone Mattress (and no, I didn’t win BUT I am getting a copy of her book as a runner-up!).  Still…

It’s a good day to be a writer.

– Reposted from Back_Space | by Liz.

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230K Reads And Counting

I’m pretty thrilled, mind you, that my story Finding Sam has gotten 230 reads so far on Wattpad.  For the sake of math, I guess with 48 chapters, that means each chapter has gotten 4,900 reads or so (I am terrible with math by the way, so if there’s another algorithm that makes sense out there, enlighten my NaNoWriMo-addled and editing mind).

However, those are free reads unfortunately, so there’s no money in the kitty just yet.

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My fake book cover with Fassy’s eyes. I’m still looking for the perfect book cover by the way. Anyone have suggestions?

In other news, I’ve written 29K words for my NaNoWriMo novel, Loving Ashe.  And I’m currently having a #firstworldproblem – deciding whether they sleep together in chapter 10 or not.

Yes, this is what goes on in my mind when no one’s looking…

 

Finding Sam: 168K Reads So Far…

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my inspiration for the novel I was writing, and the song that also begun my journey to write this story, even though I was in the midst of writing something else.  Anyway, ever since I posted my novel on Wattpad around the end of June, it’s gotten about 168K reads (it’s slowed down since I kinda ended the novel), but it’s been an interesting ride so far.

When the story finally first got noticed in July, it was interesting to see the “reads” spike to a thousand a day.  Readers read chapter after chapter in a span of one or two days.  Some read 45 chapters in a day, and wrote about how much they loved it.   I’d like to think I’ve got something good.  I’d like to think I’ve got something worth reading.

So if I haven’t been writing much poetry or doing the Daily Prompts lately, that’s why. I’ve been busy writing.  And writing some more.  Actually I’m editing it, hoping I can get the book published in a few months.  Right now, I’m searching for the perfect cover – hence the temporary cover with actress Caroline Dhavernas, who I think is just absolutely beautiful.

So after hiding this story from my very own blog (shame on me, right?), here she is.  Finding Sam.

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Writer’s Block Party

When was the last time you experienced writer’s block? What do you think brought it about — and how did you dig your way out of it?

Writers block hit me from around 2002 – 2012.  What precipitated the beginning of the end for me was a boy, I think, and life in general, realizing that while I was living my life, enjoying my parties, living on the beach and playing beach volleyball everyday – being as American as I could ever be – I was also denying my heritage.  When my brother moved to L.A. it was hard to maintain that American image – especially when family was getting closer and everywhere I turned was a reminder of who I was, who I was supposed to be, and of the expectations of family that I’d turned up my nose to for years.

While I did turn back to my “roots,” so to speak and do my best to fulfill certain obligations expected of me – both from my family and my husband’s, my writing tanked completely.  And I mean completely.  I’d never felt so hollowed out in my life – smiling on the outside but feeling completely empty, really empty, on the inside.  I felt just like Bilbo when he told Gandalf in The Fellowship of the Ring, “I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

Finally, because in some other life, I must have been good, in 2012, I rediscovered the muse, who helped me back int the writing game, even if I had to start over by writing fan fiction.  Lucas North, John Standring, Thorin Oakenshield – all characters played by Richard Armitage – got the stories flowing.

This year he’s been replaced by another muse, though he/she comes in different guises.  A song, a poem, a photograph, a memory.  And in a month or so, my first book will finally, finally come out, a novel whose rough draft was written in 90 days because this time, the muse would not let go.  If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning, you’re probably sick of hearing about Finding Sam and all that – but at least I can now say that the smile is back.

Most of all, the writer is back.  And she’s left the block party – this time, for good.

Daily Prompt