what is it about you that strips me raw
in places i’ve long forgotten?
those dark corners where my secrets lie hidden,
the disappointments, and the self-loathing?
why does it take just a word from you
for all of them to spill out?
and with them the tears i’ve long kept at bay,
all the shame and self-doubt?
what is it with your choice of words
spoken in a voice that always unravels me?
do you know of the places i speak of?
have you seen the things i can still see
the demons in their alcoves,
those moments of shame they whisper in my ear
of the times when i wasn’t brave enough,
when my constant companion was fear
is that why you know exactly what to say,
words that strip me of all the masks i wear?
is it because you know where i have been?
is it because you’re still there?
i’m being overdramatic again
that’s clearly plain to see
for it’ll be a year since you left the way you did
and i miss the way life used to be
when everything seemed so simple then
but only, it turned out, on the outside
i didn’t understand the depths of your pain
i couldn’t see how hard you tried
to keep it all in behind your smile
the loneliness you felt inside
what do i know about true love?
clearly i’m unqualified
so i’ll just be overdramatic right now
as i continue trying to understand
but maybe that’s the point in all this
maybe it’s just the way things are supposed to stand
that you do you and i do me
you left on your own terms while i continue holding on
searching for answers until the end of my days
until i’ll forget you and finally move on
when you looked in the mirror that last day,
what did you see?
did you see only the little broken girl
that you used to be?
did you think she’d remain wounded forever
unable to get out of her head?
did you ever hope that one day she’d live the rest of her life
instead of ending up dead?
did you ever consider, just once, that things
could have turned out alright,
maybe you’d had found someone to love like you once did
or maybe it was yourself all this time?
i wish you’d have waited to find out all the answers
instead of me asking them tonight
i wish you’d have given this life one more chance…
i wish you’d have put up a fight.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Available 24 hours everyday
i bet on black
and almost lost it all
never seeing how attached i was to the outcome
until i began to fall
into the abyss of your despair,
your plans, and your deceit
too late for me to climb out and save myself
instead, you made me complicit
to the plans you made
for your expiration date
so when the day finally came
all we could do was wait
but I couldn’t wait anymore
I had to bet on red
before the sun rose and set
before you’d do the things you said
i hope you’re happy now
you even got to say the last word
thank you for showing me, in the end,
who and what you really were.
There’s a storm in my heart
that rages whenever you’re gone,
wondering why you had to leave again,
what did I do wrong?
Did I ask too many questions
the last time you were here?
Did I not hear your instructions?
Weren’t you at all clear
that I’m supposed to be silent
when your storms howl deep inside,
when your demons come back for you,
and there’s no place to hide?
via Storm — The Daily Post
I’m fenced in by my fears
each and every day
a cloud-filled sky that refuses
lingering in everything I do and say
It’s a lonely place to be in,
where I’m always looking out
where no one hears a word I say
no matter how loud I shout
until the words stop coming
and the sun refuses to shine,
if only I can see the light at the end of the tunnel,
the future will all be mine.
We never truly know what goes on behind closed doors
For behind each smile could hide a frown
Behind each happy face that we see and ignore
There’s someone who needs a little lift because he’s down
We never truly know what prompts each word others speak
Was it really a happy thought or was it sad?
There’s so much in this world that we seek
Yet not everything we get in return makes us glad
We never truly know what hides behind the laughter
Is it only concealing the darkness, the utter despair?
Still there even when the sun rises after
Never seeing the ones who love you, still standing there.
Darkness falls around me,
evil lurks wherever I tread
afraid to reach out, my hands frozen
in fear I wallow, I might as well be dead
What demons do I cower from?
What cherubs have I driven away?
How this putrid chill engulfing my soul
overwhelms the dawn of each new day.
Leading myself out of this darkness, I struggle
gathering threads of courage to face my fears
yet never have I been so lonely in my sorrows
drowning in an abyss of my own tears.