what then if he’s not the man
you think he is, this man of your dreams?
what then would you do
when he reveals himself, not at all
like the man you believe he seems
to be on the outside,
the lover you wish for
what if he doesn’t fulfill all that you see in him
for there are certain things
just too hard to ignore
but let me not shatter the dreams you’ve dreamed of
for so long now
the years, they’ve come and gone and you’re still here
but he’s been long gone somehow
gone to fulfill his own destiny,
so far removed from your own
and you’re still here picking up the pieces
I wonder how long you’ve known
that he was never going to be the one for you
the one that your heart has long wished for
for you’ve latched on to nothing but a dream
and now there’s just emptiness
and an open door…
Remember your first crush? Think about that very first object of your affection. Oh, the sweaty palms. The swoony feeling in your stomach. Tell us the story of your first crush. What was it about this person that made your heart pound? Was the love requited? Change the names to protect the guilty or innocent if you must! No judgement here. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Photographers, artists, poets: show us SMITTEN.
My first ever crush – and the first time I ever ever realized what it was – was on a girl. When you’ve been attending an all-girls’ Catholic school for about eight straight years since you were six years old, all you see for five straight days throughout the school year are basically just that – girls.
She was three years ahead of me, I think. I was a freshman while she was a senior – or maybe a junior. She was beautiful with a short bob and almond eyes. She was on the honor roll and she was a star athlete, playing on both the volleyball and the softball teams. She was also from a rich family and I still remember a nanny sitting by the sidelines as she practiced volleyball after school, and when she’d sit down for a minute, the nanny would wipe off the perspiration and place a hand towel on her back, between her skin and her shirt. And the woman would add in some baby powder, too.
How could I not be smitten by her? She was everything I wasn’t.
I still remember how it freaked out my mother that I had a crush on a girl. My older brother had just come out, I think, which was a shock to both my parents, and here I was, the only daughter having a crush on a girl! I remember someone, maybe an aunt, turning to my younger brother and telling him that he better be straight because his brother and sister were already queer – that way, she joked, we’d have one of each.