how could i not know?

facebook told me it’s your birthday today
and so i quickly typed out a post to wish you
a fantastic day
but something told me to check your page first
where i found out you died fourteen months ago
and my bubble burst
how could i not know that you’ve been gone all this time
all while planning to see you again and say hello
just like the good old days…
how could i not know?

you were only forty-five, brin, way too young to go
i can still remember you telling me to stop driving
that little car while i was pregnant
oh the things you knew that i did not know
yet you trusted me all those years, too
how we laughed at the stories we both told
as we spent those afternoons believing
life had so much to offer us
as we’d both grow old
with our vices and our sins…
how could i not know?

birthday

i missed your birthday four days ago
even though I’d made a mental note the day before
to remember it and say a prayer for you
but that day came and went, just like the year before

I still have the travel clock you brought home one day
it still ticks and tocks all through the night
i used to know what time it was wherever you were
until the day you died, alone and contrite

that clock is all i have of you now
it’s the only thing  you left behind
along with the secret life you lived the entire time
the truth your children deserved, denied

so i’ll let your birthday come and go
maybe i’ll light a candle if i remember
i still think of you with every tick tock of that clock
did you ever think of us or were we simply a bother?

book case

for my birthday, i want a bookcase
where i can live a different life
page after page
each treasured book a sweet escape
never one to lose my place

for my birthday i want a home
where i can live and not be afraid
like i always am
each day the same unflinching reality
another unfulfilled life on the lam

for my birthday i want to be happy
for life will be short
from here on
i’ve fallen far from where i started
but from this moment on, I’ll be reborn

Ahead Of Her Time

 
When I first drew Frida and posted the sketch on my family FB feed, many family members had no idea who she was – which is unfortunate because Frida Kahlo was a woman way ahead of her time. She painted through her pain and limitations and one of her famous quotes goes, “Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly.”

She seemed to love Diego Rivera unconditionally, despite his…well, flaws. I remember coming across her diary, published long after death, of course and while the entires were so raw my soul ached, I could never get myself to buy it. Her paintings told me enough. At least they were her diary in a way, painted for all to see. 

Here’s To Another Year of Being Fearless!

 

Channeling Frida for my big day 🙂
Yup, it’s my birthday and I’ve decided to channel Frida Kahlo for her fearlessness.  It’s one of the things I’ve decided to be this year – being fearless – since I’m not getting any younger, and really, life is just too short to be afraid all the time.