i turned a year older yesterday and for the first time I didn’t feel sad. I felt happy and content, as if something in my life finally made sense, from the relationships I made to the ones I lost even those that were never meant to stay. is that why for the first time in a very long time i only have good things to say
the years have tempered my anger and resentment the realization that i’m far from perfect settling like fine wine and right now it’s your birthday and all i wish is to have a drink with you one last time
i’ll listen to you tell me your stories, and when the mood hits (and it always does), sing your favorite songs they all say i inherited your smile and your laughter how i wish we could right all the wrongs
but no one can tell us who to love sometimes, our minds are simply not as strong to stop what the heart wants and whoever it desires, for even the biggest hearts end up getting it all wrong
but that’s okay. i’m finally old enough to know that you did your best and that i did, too going through this life walking such different paths without you knowing who i really am, or me knowing you.
facebook told me it’s your birthday today and so i quickly typed out a post to wish you a fantastic day but something told me to check your page first where i found out you died fourteen months ago and my bubble burst how could i not know that you’ve been gone all this time all while planning to see you again and say hello just like the good old days… how could i not know?
you were only forty-five, brin, way too young to go i can still remember you telling me to stop driving that little car while i was pregnant oh the things you knew that i did not know yet you trusted me all those years, too how we laughed at the stories we both told as we spent those afternoons believing life had so much to offer us as we’d both grow old with our vices and our sins… how could i not know?
Today would have been your birthday
though I don’t remember how old you would have been,
the years since you passed away marked by poems
of things not felt and sights not seen
dulled by the years of living a lie
Was that your life, too,
just before you died?
When I first drew Frida and posted the sketch on my family FB feed, many family members had no idea who she was – which is unfortunate because Frida Kahlo was a woman way ahead of her time. She painted through her pain and limitations and one of her famous quotes goes, “Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly.”
She seemed to love Diego Rivera unconditionally, despite his…well, flaws. I remember coming across her diary, published long after death, of course and while the entires were so raw my soul ached, I could never get myself to buy it. Her paintings told me enough. At least they were her diary in a way, painted for all to see.
Yup, it’s my birthday and I’ve decided to channel Frida Kahlo for her fearlessness. It’s one of the things I’ve decided to be this year – being fearless – since I’m not getting any younger, and really, life is just too short to be afraid all the time.
There are peonies in my house today,
their petals all abloom,
so soft, and so ethereal,
casting their spell throughout the room,
bathing everything that I see
in such sweet delight.
Will they remain as radiant till morning,
or will they be spent after the long night?