“Examine the past of most people, and you find a neat cemetery or an urn with ashes. But examine the past of an artist and you find monuments to its perpetuity, a book, a statue, a painting, a symphony, a poem.”-Anäis Nin
like a butterfly landing
on my unsuspecting shoulder
or the palm of my hand,
i will hold your love close to my heart
knowing you can leave
any time you want.
but if i could be selfish
for just one moment
i would ask you to stay
just a bit longer
long enough to feel your heart
beat against my cheek
just one more time.
if i could give you all the love in the world,
i would write it all down in a book
in all the languages that i could think of
no matter how long it took
so i caught all the words I needed one day
telling them they were meant for someone precious to me
a good friend with the biggest heart
who reminded me i was loved and that i was worthy
of everything good the world had to offer
just like he deserved only the very best, too,
i wanted him to know all this and more
so i begged Love to be still before my plan would fall through
but all the words had other plans
as they struggled to lift off the page
ruffling the pages of the book in front of me
for they did not wish to be caught nor caged
we do best when we’re set free, they said
and that’s exactly what you’re going to do
so you can give him all the love you could ever want
matching every bit of love he gave to you
for some things in life are simpler than they seem
like a heartfelt wish sent with the purest intentions
so if you wish to let him know how you truly feel
just say the words, no need to make an impression
and after some thought, that’s exactly what i did
as i flipped through all the pages and let the words go
for you already know how much you mean to me,
i just wanted the rest of the world to know.
i’ve finally decided to have a love affair
a heck of a surprising discovery
for while i was setting up a zoom call
i found someone beautiful looking back at me
maybe it was the lighting that played on her face
even if she was clearly in some drab kitchen
with fridge magnets spelling D I N N E R behind her
it took less than a minute… but i was smitten
there was warmth to her smile
a glint of mischief in her eyes
and when she said, why hello there stranger
i could tell she was funny, caring, and wise
i didn’t notice the wrinkles on her face
or the gray roots that she somehow missed
all i saw was a woman who glowed from the inside
someone who was grateful to exist
how i wanted to be just like her
a woman so confident in her own skin
that’s when she said, oh dear heart but i am you
and you already have everything you need within
a sense of community
empathy for others
discernment of what’s true
the patience to listen
respect for nature
it was quiet last night as i stood outside
looking up at the full moon
i could hear the wind blow through the trees
autumn leaves whispering their wistful tune
something about you and me
somehow finding our way through the din
about broken hearts and the strong souls
that lie deep within
Not a poem today but a post about something near and dear to my heart.
Today, December 3, is the International Day of People with Disabilities 2020, “an annual occasion designated to join together to support people with disability in our communities, and raise awareness of the importance of creating a future where people with disabilities experience equal opportunity and face no barriers in all aspects of their lives— whether it be going about their day-to-day lives with adequate accessibility in their communities, joining the workforce, or being able to showcase their abilities and reach their goals without facing barriers.”
The theme this year is “Not All Disabilities are Visible,” which also “focuses on spreading awareness and understanding of disabilities that are not immediately apparent, such as mental illness, chronic pain or fatigue, sight or hearing impairments, diabetes, brain injuries, neurological disorders, learning differences and cognitive dysfunctions, among others.”
I started MorrighansMuse in 2012 after my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. During that time, I hadn’t written in over eight years but with his diagnosis came so many conflicting emotions and major denial. I wanted to journal everything I was feeling but I just couldn’t. Somehow, I thought a blog would allow me to process them. But instead of posts about living with autism, I wrote mostly about other things stemming from my depression, childhood sexual abuse, the death of my father, and the occasional broken heart. Some poems never see the light of day simply because they are too personal to share, and may be too triggering for some readers. But whether or not I shared them, through this blog I was able to heal, and in the process, be a better human being to everyone around me.
I’m still a work-in-progress, but that’s what life is all about. You keep going.
With the current COVID-19 pandemic, many people are isolated and disconnected, their routines interrupted. Services normally available to those in need have been disrupted as well. It is my hope that today, we can raise awareness for people around us who may be suffering alone, unseen. If you can, please check in on your friends and loved ones, colleagues and neighbors.
You can learn more about International Day of People with Disabilities and how you can help by clicking here.
I cannot find a reason for this; things float in vast clouds around my head, settle, invade all my kingdoms, spread alarm, confusion and pleasure, arouse, inflame, inspire, exalt and, above all things, cry loudly, piercingly. Ink, ink. Give us ink!
Ink, pen and paper seem the greatest necessities of my existence. I could go without food, without friends, without home or books, but without ink and paper, I should dieAnäis Nin, The Early Diary of Anäis Nin, Volume Two
love yourself first
sounds like the easiest thing to do
until you have to put it into action
and realize it’s not as easy as it looks
for how can i love that person
looking right back at me in the mirror?
with her crooked smile and sagging skin
surely there’s been some kind of error
some hashtag someone cooked up
putting more pressure on those struggling to be
comfortable in their own skin
people like me
for how can i love myself the way i am
so far removed from the person i yearn to be
can i really find it within myself like they say i can
can’t they see all the imperfections i see?
that’s when i heard a whisper,
a faint voice from deep within
yes, you can love me for me, my body said,
you’ve always been perfect underneath this skin.
for everything that you are
can’t be found only on the outside
there’s more to you than meets the eye
so love yourself first and you’ll have nothing to hide.
what do you dream of
when you close your eyes?
do you see a future filled with possibilities
or do you see a past littered with lies—
the ones you told yourself
when you thought no one was looking
the ones that shaped the way you saw the world
making you believe you didn’t deserve anything?
where did things change for you?
when did they fall apart?
was it when they said you couldn’t do anything right
or was it when he broke your heart?
was it the day they promised you the world
but never came back?
will you believe me if i tell you
that you can get yourself back on track
to a place where possibilities are endless
where hope and joy spring from deep within
one step at a time, one win at a time,
all we have to do is believe… and begin.