i rushed in
too fast and too soon
completely forgetting
to check the room.
was i wanted?
could i stay?
do you think me weird
for the things i say?
awkward, that’s me
although that’s the way
i’ve always been
too quick to jump in
too fast to trust
when will i ever learn
that some things,
like love,
you simply
cannot rush.
i woke up to a beautiful sight today,
your face veiled in the dawning light
before losing myself in your warm embrace
remembering the words you said last night
we’ve come a long way, you and me
with each passing day building up to the next
secrets told and dreams shared
yet everything about us is so complex
but for simplicity’s sake, tell me again how i touch you
and i’ll whisper the ways you continue to change my world
how you remind me i’m worthy in so many ways
for with every word spoken or unspoken, my heart learns
i love waking up next to you
nestled in the comfort of your arms
i love waking up to the sound of your voice
its deep tones tinged with sleep is my daily alarm
but let’s stay under the covers a few minutes more
for i crave to feel your ache
and lose myself in your need for what i can give you
until we both come apart and break.
you let me find
your quiet place,
and asked me
to sit with you
and in the ensuing
silence we said words
we’d never shared
with anyone before –
words of comfort,
love and so much more
words meant only
for our lonely souls to hear
as you lay your hand
over my heart and said,
no matter where i go,
wherever i may be,
just close your eyes
and find me right here.
no one knows how deep our scars run
and sometimes not even we do
until someone comes and traces the marks
and to our horror, the wounds open up again
too soon
far sooner than we were prepared to staunch the flow
of not just blood, but memories and shame
the very ones that kept us scarred and broken,
long after we’ve forgotten
their names
but for your words and the sound of your voice,
this time something was different
for together with the stigma and the blame
that may have accompanied them, there, too,
was redemption
an acceptance that none of it was my fault
or my own doing, nothing i deserved or asked for.
and i can finally move on because you saw something
i long forgot, that i am worthy and i am worth
fighting for.
some days i fall
and some days
i don’t.
some days
i’m the best
I can ever be
(like being your
‘good girl’)
while on other days,
i won’t.
for some days i refuse
to give you up
although some days
i do.
and other days
i tell myself
you were never mine
to begin with,
and some days,
it’s true.
and then there are days
when i wake up next to you
and i know then
i must have done
something good
for some days i fall
headfirst into love
and every single
time i do
it’s with you.
i ran errands yesterday –
the post office and then a stop
at the grocery store
and as i stood in line
at the checkout stand,
i found myself looking around
at first the entrances and the exits
before realizing there’s really only one door
besides the one in the back meant only
for the employees of the store
and then i thought if it should happen
while i’m standing in line, will i even
have a chance? will he pick me
because of my color or will they
simply call it happenstance?
and then i wondered, why
is the line so slow for i need
to rush home.
can the line move any faster?
i really need to go.
oh, dear heart, don’t be a traitor
for i need you to be strong
the next time he comes around
but only until he says the words
that always disarm me
and it won’t take long
before he leaves me
breathless,
unravelled,
undone.
i saw the first bloom
a splash of pink against green
wake, it said, it’s spring
sampaguita blooms
sweet scents from across the seas
floating in the breeze
spring time promises
roses blooming one by one
each kissed by the sun
you checked in on me when you didn’t have to
you were honestly the last person i thought would call
but you did and for that i am grateful
for your words mean more to me than all the likes
on my social media wall.
for you took the time to make sure i was okay
even if it was already late in your day
after you had to put out fires at work and at home
you took the time to remind me
i’m not alone
that even in this crazy world
we find ourselves in right now
where there’s too much hatred and color wars
i can still count on you to be there for me
no matter where you are, no matter how far.
Morrighan's Muse 