some days

some days i fall
and some days
i don’t.
some days
i’m the best
I can ever be
(like being your
‘good girl’)
while on other days,
i won’t.

for some days i refuse
to give you up
although some days
i do.
and other days
i tell myself
you were never mine
to begin with,
and some days,
it’s true.

and then there are days
when i wake up next to you
and i know then
i must have done
something good
for some days i fall
headfirst into love
and every single
time i do
it’s with you.

errands

i ran errands yesterday –
the post office and then a stop
at the grocery store
and as i stood in line
at the checkout stand,
i found myself looking around
at first the entrances and the exits
before realizing there’s really only one door
besides the one in the back meant only
for the employees of the store
and then i thought if it should happen
while i’m standing in line, will i even
have a chance? will he pick me
because of my color or will they
simply call it happenstance?
and then i wondered, why
is the line so slow for i need
to rush home.

can the line move any faster?
i really need to go.

check in

you checked in on me when you didn’t have to
you were honestly the last person i thought would call
but you did and for that i am grateful
for your words mean more to me than all the likes
on my social media wall.

for you took the time to make sure i was okay
even if it was already late in your day
after you had to put out fires at work and at home
you took the time to remind me
i’m not alone

that even in this crazy world
we find ourselves in right now
where there’s too much hatred and color wars
i can still count on you to be there for me
no matter where you are, no matter how far.

respite

i need a break
from all the madness,
just a short respite with you
the sight of your smiling face,
the feel of your embrace,
how they have the power to undo
the sadness that often hits me
when the days are long and hard
and the loneliness that engulfs me
when i find myself constantly on guard
from the demons circling, searching
for every vulnerability they can find,
until the sound of your voice
sends them fleeing
into the night.

discarded notes: 10

tell me again why i love you
for your voice has turned
into venom in my veins,
pulling me away from things that matter,
each word you utter now a chain
binding me to uncertainty,
my own voice drowned.
so tell me again why i love you.
tell me before i shut down.

we are not safe

we are not safe
and that is the god awful truth
for we’re treated as nothing more
than chattel most times
under the veneer of civility
hiding lessons learned from youth
such that you can hit a woman
because she must have done something
to deserve it and even if she didn’t,
you can still hurt her
because you’ve seen everyone do it.
for she’s something to look at.
she’s something to adore.
she’s some thing you can tuck away
in a corner when you feel like it.
she’s a thing to use and nothing more.
maybe sometimes she’ll give her consent
to do to her as you please with set boundaries
you may both agree upon and a simple word
to put her back at ease. but such is not the case
for most women out there and how I wish this were not true.

we were never safe then and more so now.
is there a way to change all this,
starting with me and you?

after everything

after everything is said and done,
we’re alone so we might as well accept
the imperfect versions of ourselves as we grow
and know that behind all the posturing
and the bravado, there’s still so much
for us to learn

for even beautifying filters can only do so much
to hide the tears we cried the night before
and before we know it, we’re back
to feeling alone and unworthy,
forgetting how to pick ourselves up
from off the floor.

But we do–and we will–even if
we have to go through hell and back
to do it. For after everything is said and done,
we’re all stronger than we know.
we just have to get up, dust the dirt off our knees
and go.

hush

hush, they’re watching, reading
between the lines of the words i write,
wondering if they’re for you and of that,
they’d be right.

shh, don’t speak, at least
not yet. not until i collect my thoughts
and find the words to say to you…
words meant to connect

two souls so far apart yet so near
only we didn’t know it. two hearts beating
their lonely rhythms, not knowing what comes next
for there is no rhyme or reason

why we love the ones we love and why
we fall for the ones we fall for. but to hear your voice
whispering in my ear, let me just say with you,
i’ll give you everything you want and more.