dream

i dreamt of you last night
for the first time since you left
i felt you right here with me
so beautiful, no one would ever have guessed

how you simply walked away this month last year
from the world that could use your passion now
your tenacity at fighting for others gone
you simply didn’t see this life worth living somehow

and i’ve been angry this entire time since
for things between us didn’t end as well as we thought
you told me things i’ll never forget
nineteen years of friendship all for nought

but i dreamt of you last night anyway
you stood alone next to my bed
he wasn’t with you this time around
did he wait for you or did he simply go ahead?

maybe it was our last goodbye,
one to replace the angry words we exchanged that final day
when i begged you to reconsider continuing on
until we both ran out of things to say.


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
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frayed

you’re gone and i’m done
wishing you were still here

counting the days since you left
your goodbyes ringing hollow in my ear

i wish there’d been a warning
i wish i saw it coming

but even if there’d been one
fully trusting you was my shortcoming

and so i sit here bathed in the morning fog
promising never again to give my heart away

for i love too much and trust too blindly
only to have my heart broken and frayed

and so i’ll stitch it up again
fill its cracks with words and tears

promising never to fall so hard again
and stay numb in my fears


complete

do you know what you did to me
when i first met you?

do you have any idea how you saved me
how the sound of your voice pulled me through

from the darkness i was drowning from
your words of unconditional love

were the reminders i needed to hear
of all the things i’m deserving of

like life’s little joys
just when i was at my worst

hearing only the awful things i told myself
words so unrelenting… unrehearsed

but somehow you undid all that
even if i had to listen to you on repeat

that even after the day you’d leave
i knew i was already complete.

maybe

i sometimes feel things too deeply
though there are days i barely notice the sun

too lost in my own emotions
tangled in regrets of things done… and not done

maybe one day i’ll learn to move on
maybe the time will come when i’ll have no choice

but to walk away from the lies you keep saying
maybe then i’ll find my voice

remnants

remnants of your presence
still create that unmistakeable
hitch in my breath
that twinge of denial
that saps me
of all my strength
to ward off these feelings
of missing you all over again
the pain may not be
like it used to be
but your leaving
is something I’ve yet
to comprehend

speak softly to me

speak softly to me
let me hear your voice in my dreams
as you crawl under the covers tonight
let’s lose ourselves in starlight and moonbeams

speak softly to me
slip your strong arms around my waist
let me cradle my head on your shoulder
feel me melt in your protective embrace

speak softly to me
and tell me you’ll never let me go
hold me tight and breathe me in
whisper those lies i’ve come to know

sleepy kisses

i miss your sleepy kisses
along the nape of my neck
i miss the way your warm touch
unravels this tangled wreck
of emotions still raw
from days long gone
from words left behind
that go on and on
words meant to stunt
leaving unseen scars
words that blot out
the moon and the stars
leaving my world too dark
to find my way home
until your words guide me back
no matter how far i roam.

Daily Prompt: Rain

Raindrops fall on the roof above us
The winds sigh through the window seams
Nestled beneath warm covers
Skin to skin, lost in dreams
All that love demands
Lost in twined hands
in safety
you see
me

*A nonet is a nine line poem. The first line containing nine syllables, the next line has eight syllables, the next line has seven syllables. That continues until the last line (the ninth line) which has one syllable. Nonets can be written about any subject. Rhyming is optional.

**First published on June 15, 2013

first kiss

i remember my first real kiss
with a boy close to my own age
it was the summer i turned sixteen
barely out of that awkward stage

he was tall and very handsome
with a mischievous glint in his brown eyes
and when he smiled, i simply melted
my heart laid bare, i had nothing to disguise

until the night he kissed me
when i learned the differences between
that first kiss i wanted from a boy so badly
and the ones before that left me unclean