do you remember the first time you were called annoying? how your breath stopped short in your chest the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue? your eyes never left the floor that day. you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,” apologies littering every other sentence, words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years. i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious. all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard for 3 minutes for 10 minutes for 2 hours forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, y our heart; mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be and have never been “too much.”
i now come from a forgotten time when friendships were face to face so that if one ever ghosted you in the end you’d have an idea of the disagreement that happened, some sort of basis. but there is none of that now and that doesn’t even account for this pandemic, the lockdown and the fear, friendships have simply become virtual where it becomes so difficult to tell when one’s being real or insincere. and while connections – even deep ones – still do happen, there’s one glaring detail that will always be hard to frame, when they disappear as they often do, did they trust you enough to tell you their real name?
i thought i was being smart to listen to your words with a guarded heart but little by little, your words made it through and before i knew it, my heart lay bare before you
i didn’t even realize it happening until tears ran down my cheeks, so unsettling how could such words break through all the years of walls and fences meant to cover up my fears?
maybe that’s just one of the ways love weaves its magic little by little, healing armored hearts so fragile reminding them there’s magic out there just waiting if only they step out of their armor and taste the rain
if i could give you all the love in the world, i would write it all down in a book in all the languages that i could think of no matter how long it took
so i caught all the words I needed one day telling them they were meant for someone precious to me a good friend with the biggest heart who reminded me i was loved and that i was worthy
of everything good the world had to offer just like he deserved only the very best, too, i wanted him to know all this and more so i begged Love to be still before my plan would fall through
but all the words had other plans as they struggled to lift off the page ruffling the pages of the book in front of me for they did not wish to be caught nor caged
we do best when we’re set free, they said and that’s exactly what you’re going to do so you can give him all the love you could ever want matching every bit of love he gave to you
for some things in life are simpler than they seem like a heartfelt wish sent with the purest intentions so if you wish to let him know how you truly feel just say the words, no need to make an impression
and after some thought, that’s exactly what i did as i flipped through all the pages and let the words go for you already know how much you mean to me, i just wanted the rest of the world to know.