I'm a poet and author of contemporary and erotic romance with angst. I'm also mom to two boys, one who's all grown up and the other young enough to leave Lego all over the floor to make every day an obstacle course.
i read the beginnings of the news on facebook and my heart dropped when the truth sank in that you lost your battle to cancer yesterday what a crap year 2020 has been
i’ve looked forward to every post you’ve made that morning greeting, that nightly goodbye i love how you ordered us wackadoodles to have a good day and every night, no mare pants became my rallying cry
reminding me it was time to wind things down to let my mind rest and my body sleep as you fought that fight that took you in the end leaving us your stories and essays, so insightful and deep
i miss you already, my friend, but i know wherever you are there is no more pain thank you for being the champion i needed then and now i have been so blessed having you in my corner. until we meet again.
do you remember the first time you were called annoying? how your breath stopped short in your chest the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue? your eyes never left the floor that day. you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,” apologies littering every other sentence, words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years. i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious. all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard for 3 minutes for 10 minutes for 2 hours forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, y our heart; mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be and have never been “too much.”
i now come from a forgotten time when friendships were face to face so that if one ever ghosted you in the end you’d have an idea of the disagreement that happened, some sort of basis. but there is none of that now and that doesn’t even account for this pandemic, the lockdown and the fear, friendships have simply become virtual where it becomes so difficult to tell when one’s being real or insincere. and while connections – even deep ones – still do happen, there’s one glaring detail that will always be hard to frame, when they disappear as they often do, did they trust you enough to tell you their real name?