know my name though i go by many know it anyway for it’s the only way i know you see me and see that beyond the masks i wear to protect my heart, only you know what lies inside wishing it’ll remain unhurt until the game we play finally runs its course and i’ll be left with nothing but bitter remorse
i rushed in
too fast and too soon
to check the room.
was i wanted?
could i stay?
do you think me weird
for the things i say?
awkward, that’s me
although that’s the way
i’ve always been
too quick to jump in
too fast to trust
when will i ever learn
that some things,
i woke up to a beautiful sight today, your face veiled in the dawning light before losing myself in your warm embrace remembering the words you said last night
we’ve come a long way, you and me with each passing day building up to the next secrets told and dreams shared yet everything about us is so complex
but for simplicity’s sake, tell me again how i touch you and i’ll whisper the ways you continue to change my world how you remind me i’m worthy in so many ways for with every word spoken or unspoken, my heart learns
you let me find your quiet place, and asked me to sit with you and in the ensuing silence we said words we’d never shared with anyone before – words of comfort, love and so much more words meant only for our lonely souls to hear as you lay your hand over my heart and said, no matter where i go, wherever i may be, just close your eyes and find me right here.
no one knows how deep our scars run and sometimes not even we do until someone comes and traces the marks and to our horror, the wounds open up again too soon
far sooner than we were prepared to staunch the flow of not just blood, but memories and shame the very ones that kept us scarred and broken, long after we’ve forgotten their names
but for your words and the sound of your voice, this time something was different for together with the stigma and the blame that may have accompanied them, there, too, was redemption
an acceptance that none of it was my fault or my own doing, nothing i deserved or asked for. and i can finally move on because you saw something i long forgot, that i am worthy and i am worth fighting for.
i ran errands yesterday – the post office and then a stop at the grocery store and as i stood in line at the checkout stand, i found myself looking around at first the entrances and the exits before realizing there’s really only one door besides the one in the back meant only for the employees of the store and then i thought if it should happen while i’m standing in line, will i even have a chance? will he pick me because of my color or will they simply call it happenstance? and then i wondered, why is the line so slow for i need to rush home.
can the line move any faster? i really need to go.
oh, dear heart, don’t be a traitor for i need you to be strong the next time he comes around but only until he says the words that always disarm me and it won’t take long before he leaves me breathless, unravelled, undone.