blue

it’s been eleven days since you left
and i think i’m doing okay
the words have finally started to flow
they come more and more each day

but sometimes i see something
that inevitably reminds me of you
followed by that familiar tug inside my chest
before i tell myself not to feel so blue

for you are where you need to be right now
unencumbered and free
you’ve moved on and one day, I will, too,
even if sometimes it’s not that easy

speak softly to me

speak softly to me
let me hear your voice in my dreams
as you crawl under the covers tonight
let’s lose ourselves in starlight and moonbeams

speak softly to me
slip your strong arms around my waist
let me cradle my head on your shoulder
feel me melt in your protective embrace

speak softly to me
and tell me you’ll never let me go
hold me tight and breathe me in
whisper those lies i’ve come to know

sleepy kisses

i miss your sleepy kisses
along the nape of my neck
i miss the way your warm touch
unravels this tangled wreck
of emotions still raw
from days long gone
from words left behind
that go on and on
words meant to stunt
leaving unseen scars
words that blot out
the moon and the stars
leaving my world too dark
to find my way home
until your words guide me back
no matter how far i roam.

all heart

i’m all heart
in case you didn’t know
i wear my feelings on my sleeve
now you’ve got the memo

so don’t go breaking my heart
not if you can help it
but if you have to, do it slow
or like a bandage on a wound,
just rip it

maybe then, i’ll finally learn
that things don’t always work out
at least not in the way i want them to
that’s just what life is all about

i just wish i wasn’t all heart
that i had some brains, too
so i’d recognize when i’m just settling,
and simply making do



new moon

i drew the new moon card today
it told me what i already knew
that there are things i now need to undertake
even if it means letting go of you

so you can go your own way
and discover everything that awaits you
new lessons and new loves along this new path
while still keeping dear everything you hold true

so don’t look back. just keep going
for in the end, I’ll be okay
I’m just so proud of everything you’ve accomplished
it’s a new moon, a new beginning… a new day.

worthy

i wasn’t ready for your goodbye
even though i had a feeling you were leaving
but you left me with something i can never repay
you reminded me to never stop believing

that i am beautiful
that i am worthy
that i have so much to give
as i continue on this journey

to love myself again
and accept everything that I am
the wrinkles, the curves, even the scars
for nothing about me is a sham

and although i’m not ready to say goodbye
it’s time for me to let you go
let you live the life you’ve always wanted
you deserve more than you’ll ever know

for you, too, are beautiful,
you, too, are kind
you are worthy
and i think we’ll be just fine.

never forget

i wasn’t in town the day
the two towers fell
when every TV monitor and talking head
showed the final death knell

instead i was in the mountains
surrounded by trees and smoke
of sage and sweetgrass meant to clear
the fear draped over us like a cloak

i wouldn’t see the graphic images
nor hear the anguished cries on repeat
instead i learned to meditate among the trees
remove myself from ego and conceit

until i returned three weeks later
and found only deathly silence and fear
from the airport lounge to the taxi cab
i prayed love would soon reappear

you’re one of the lucky ones, the driver said
for you missed seeing it all
dreadful scenes playing again and again
an unforgiving endless pall

nineteen years later, here we are again
reminding others to never ever forget
not just of the loss, but of the heroes who appeared
the ones who never left.

armor

it’s one big exhale
this thing called letting go
punishing ourselves believing
we reap what others sow
every damn time
it’s all so unrelenting
the blame, the guilt, the fear
all of it, unforgiving
until the moment comes
when the armor we wear starts falling apart
revealing tired and battered souls
and broken broken hearts
it’s going to take time
to trust ourselves again
learn to love and laugh and cry
and live beyond the pen

late for work

i wake up late for work
which is not
the usual
but the clock didn’t go off
its appointed time.
shower.
dress up.
brew the coffee.
hazelnut.
one more sip and a promise
the day will turn out
just fine
for you are gone
that’s pretty plain to see
and i don’t know if i can go on
without you
beside me
but you and i always knew
you had to leave
eventually
so you can do your thing
this time without me.
turn the key.
rev the engine.
step on the gas.
no more objections.