Today, I received a call from an old friend who told me three job opportunities she had for me – well, two job opportunities and one about studying bodywork more in-depth. A four-day intensive class that’s probably going to involve a lot of meditation, bodywork, and aura cleansing and all that. But all I could think of while she outlined the many opportunities she wanted to offer to me as her first choice was…I’d so rather be writing.
But I couldn’t tell her. So I told her I’d think about it, and it’s killing me that I didn’t just tell her outright, “Sorry, I’m no longer a good fit to teach a course I have zero interest in (anatomy), or even take a course that I have zero interest in.”
I’d rather be writing.
And yesterday, I said no to an invitation to fly to Kauau in May because I have a deadline to meet – a book that’s supposed to be released in July and in the course of my 5th rewrite, I’m starting over at 1,000 words, if even that. Sure, I’ve got 101K words sitting in a Dropbox folder ready to go to the editor but I the story is all messed up from here to Sunday. And so there goes Kauai, though I don’t feel bad about it.
I’d rather be writing.
At least that’s one thing I’ve always known I wanted to do since I was about 12, when I made up stories about a cartoon show I was crazy about while passing them off as dreams – pretty vivid dreams – till my friends caught on, and so I had to find another outlet for my stories. I wrote them down, and when my grandfather gifted me with a typewriter and unused reams of legal-sized paper, I typed my heart out till morning, or until the neighbors would yell through their windows for me to go to bed.
So maybe that’s what I really want to do when I grow up. I know I’m not getting any younger, so I might as well call it what it is. I want to write for the rest of my life. What is not work feels more fulfilling that what feels like work. And the vocation I had chosen – bodywork – for the last 19 years is now full-blown work, one that I can’t even bear to read any articles about.
Because I’d rather write. And I will.
Although right now, I need to go to bed – I’m rambling. But before I do, if you want to check out writer me, I’m over here.