It’s been a year since you died,
since a distant cousin posted a video of your body
being pushed into the furnace – on Facebook, no less –
out of goodwill because none of us could be there for you,
only because your last request of us
was not to.
It’s been a year since I learned about yet
another indiscretion of yours –
another woman to get away from the other woman you fled to
when you ran away from our mother
I often wonder and ask myself if you left her
because you felt smothered.
But this time you bought this other-other woman
a house, paid for in cash
so even in death, in the midst of the craziness
and the mess you left behind
No one could take it away from her,
how could we be so blind?
You loved with a love that was without end
but only as long as that love prevailed, I guess
you loved to show that love to anyone
there who could see it
But now I wonder, if it was really you
who needed most of it.
Since you’ve been gone, I’ve realized that I never knew you
the man I wrote poems for as I was growing up
the man who got away, who could do no wrong
But that was before I learned of the pretense
and the multitude of lies
to keep up with the farce of being rich, happy, and wise
So now I find myself wondering
if my love for you is shallow, and only skin deep.
I’m such terrible daughter, you know,
for when you left, I did not even weep
How could I allow those things that you did towards the end
erase all the good deeds that you did before then?
But they did,
and no matter how hard I try now,
I can’t remember the man that I always thought you were
You’re just a palimpsest of what you used to be
and I fear each day that what you became
is what will become of me.
6 thoughts on “Palimpsest”
Hey you are not a terrible daughter at all. Never think of yourself that way. You know sometimes the situations are like this and the life throws so many curve balls at you, you have to save yourself. I hope you come at peace with it. Bless you 🙂
Thank you so much. I thought I had replied to your comment from my iPad app but maybe WP ate it…
Life does throw curve balls at you and I think with him, he did what he had to do. The good things, the bad things – they’re just part of all of us. I’m sure when I go, people around me, like my kids will have similar things to say about me as well.
Well life still goes on…the circle of life..
Hope you are ding well 🙂
An Original, intriguing and approprite title. Honest and thought-provoking poem. Good work. Judy
Thank you so much. Sorry for the late reply. Sometimes I think my replies written from my iPad WP app get eaten up somehow.