One day it will hit me – I’m turning fifty, and the years have not been kind. There’s only me to blame, too foolish to believe that I’ll always be the same, and that beauty… More
Maybe if i had loved you more
you would have stayed
but that wouldn’t have changed the truth
of how well you played
on feelings already raw
from your betrayal
scraped clean of remorse
with every denial.
Like paint left on for too long
sometimes we crack, we peel
weathering every storm that comes
forgetting, that even with all the pain
we can still feel the sting of life,
from where she sees the things she sees
beyond the fringes of the gloom
that is her imagination
beyond where she runs free
where the feel of his touch unmans her,
where the sound of his voice lets her be
whoever she’s always wanted
behind every closed door
where she’s all-around perfection
or his own personal whore –
but always with her consent,
it’s the one card she holds
but beyond each open door, a crack
where others see only the lies they’re sold.
He appears in many guises,
filling every corner of my dreams,
his darkness matching the demons
that linger beneath the seams
of the fears I seek to bury
yet no matter how hard I try
he comes without knocking, unbidden
like a swarm of locusts darkening the sky
And after he gets what he wants from me
stripping me of everything I once held dear
it’s a release that’s like no other,
where nothing else dares come near.
And so I leave the door wide open
of this little cage I still cling to,
waiting patiently for him to return,
gracing me with a madness that speaks so true.
Today you posted a screenshot from a Philippine paper
of a letter written about the rampant theft
that happens when boxes sent home from the US and other places
are opened, sifted through, with valuables chosen and kept
But just when I thought you wanted to show the person’s angry emotions
about how these thieves were just the worst,
it wasn’t what you wanted your friends and followers to see, it turns out,
it was the grammar and improper spelling first
So the word, poverty, became puberty,
I doubt autocorrect would even know the word,
but the ones who work their asses off overseas do,
sending home almost everything they earn, often barely keeping a third
Yet here you are poking fun of the grammar,
picking apart the man’s spelling, too
laughing and missing the whole point of the letter,
you only show the rankness of your soul when you do.
I have to tell you I’m sorry
for weighing you down with all my secrets
the ones that kept me stuck underneath the muck
the same ones that seek your allegiance,
keeping you down beneath the surface
where nothing moves, but only the dead,
dreams long snuffed out from ignorance,
replacing with regret where hopes once tread
Would I have known you’d be trapped here with me
underneath this dank prison of my dreams
I’d have warned you to keep on moving,
and cover your ears from my screams
But I was lonely and so I beckoned
and hearing my siren’s call you came,
longing for someone to see and hear you,
seeking my audience for your pain.
Anyway, here go the questions and answers – and of course, it’s got one of my favorite things – pizza!
What is the perfect pizza?
Ever since I had my first taste of Thai Chicken Pizza from California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) years ago, I’ve been hooked! I search high and low for it and while you can no longer get it from Trader Joe’s, I have to start learning how to make it on my own.
What is your favorite time of day?
First thing in the morning, when everyone is still asleep, more importantly, my little guy AKA Little Terror (all meant with so much love though…). This is the time I enjoy my coffee and write out the stories that I’ve so far dreamed up while sleeping or little story details I worked out in my sleep. After he wakes up, the day’s all about him.
Show us two of your favorites photographs? The photos can be from anytime in your life span. Explain why they are your favorite.
This is me and my younger brother with some of our dogs. I’m holding my childhood favorite, Cuckoo, a brown dachshund mix and one of her puppies. I think this was during sophomore high school which is equivalent to eighth grade in the US because I’m wearing an intramurals t-shirt that I think was for that grade/year.
It’s tough to find just one other favorite but this one ranks high up there. This is my little guy already tuckered out on his first official photo shoot.
Complete this sentence: I’m looking forward to….
…completing my current Work-in-progress that is tentatively called In Love With A Young Man, though I’m afraid that’s the title it will end up with during publication day. The title is actually a mock title from one of my favorite book cover artists, David of VamosWrites.com and I thought it was a cool title to remind myself of what I intended to write (even writers need reminders as to what they’re supposed to write next). I had purchased the set of four books thinking I’d write this lighthearted set of novellas about an older woman who falls for a younger man and you know, put in a lot of erotica elements in their adventures and misadventures. Unfortunately, the characters sabotaged the lighthearted part of that plan and now it’s a full-length novel at 56K words that deals with a few serious issues. It just might continue with Book 2 (if I actually sit down and plot it with enough words to fill Book 2); if not, it’s one book that’s going to hit about 80K words.
Which begs the question: do you like reading novels cut in parts as Book 1 and Book 2, or do you prefer just reading one whole book with a Part 1 and Part 2?
via Share Your World
I took this photo years ago at the Railroad Museum in Perris, California, during one of those Thomas and Friends Train days. While my son is obsessed with anything trains – new and old – I love the history that comes with these vehicles, and how they’re linked to the growth of a city, county, state and country.
It’s amazing to see how far we’ve come!
I got so busy with all the rebranding and writing on my plate that I forgot about a Kindle Countdown deal I had scheduled awhile back. Yes, Loving Ashe, Book 1 of the Celebrity Series, is on sale for 99 pennies for the next few days!
So if you haven’t gotten your copy yet, now’s the time to get it. You can read one of my favorite excerpts on the next page.
As a writer, I do research…lots of research, and so when I saw this prompt, the only thing that came to mind had to do with my current research into the world of kink. I tried to think of other types of punishments to go with a nice weekend prompt, but it was a no-go. So BDSM it is, or what little I’ve learned so far about it.
One of the things that really struck me in my current research, and maybe this comes with understanding things better as I grow older, is the concept of punishment in kink. Punishment in the world of kink involves consent and this is what is most interesting to me because the punishment I remember in the real world involves no consent at all.
I remember when I was a kid growing up in the Philippines, if we did something bad, we got spanked. My mom, aunts, and grandparents would get really creative in punishing, not just me, but all of us, especially during the summers when all the kids probably drove them crazy for we congregated like flies to honey – honey, being wherever trouble brewed. And so they got creative with the instruments used for spanking us while we, the kids, got tougher and laughed at their attempts to make us cry. Their favorite became the handle of a feather duster and I guess here, you’d call it a switch (?). It stung like hell when they’d hit the back of our legs and then we’d all compare our battle scars for the day, our minds defaulting to the idea that while it’s bad, we’ll consider it fun. How many lashes did one get versus the other? Are the marks visible? How long before they’d fade away?
This is where research and memory, as much as they appear to come together, also become two separate concepts…
In kink, there is punishment, yes, but there is also consent to be punished. And it takes two – the one giving and the one receiving, and thus consent for both is required. I have to consent to punish you if that’s what you want, and vice versa, I have to give my consent for you to punish me. I know it’s simplistic but I’m also looking at this from an outsider’s point of view although I’m always ready to learn more.
And it’s this dynamic that is most interesting to me as a writer because I always want to know what makes people tick. I’m the person who’ll drive you crazy with the why’s and the how’s. And if you’re wondering what this research on kink is for, it’s for a book that I was supposed to release this year but didn’t because this was the part of the theme that I got stuck on – punishment…and its corresponding consent.